Shattered Existence
by Crystallinee
Summary: What if Sasuke got caught in Deidara's last explosion and didn't survive? How will Itachi react when he finds out? Brotherly love, one-shot.


Takes place in a AU, when Sasuke didn't survive Deidara's last explosion in Shippuden. Itachi's POV.

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><p><strong>Shattered Existence<strong>

"Deidara is dead," Zetsu announced to the gathered Akatsuki members.

"And what else?" Kisame wondered.

"Sasuke died as well, caught in the explosion."

The world stopped. My eyes were wide, the Sharingan gleamed.

It couldn't possibly be true? Sasuke couldn't have died? Suddenly panic-stricken I tried to rely on my knowledge, the gut feeling that had guided me so often in my life.

But no, I could sense it. Zetsu was right. There was no mistake. My otouto was dead.

It was strange, the feeling that I got then. I had felt it before, but it was very long ago. I hadn't felt this way since Shisui died and since I was ordered to kill everybody in my clan. Though ... I couldn't remember that it hurt this much. It began with shock and panic, then grief took over.  
><em><br>Dammit, Deidara ... Why the hell did you have to..._

I tried to hide my intense of feelings, and managed to keep my emotions in check. But Kisame noticed.

Later, when we had gone into a cave to rest ourselves a bit, it started raining outside. The rain poured down, more and more. I went straight out into it, let the water wash over me.

_Sasuke ... You weren't supposed to die! The meaning was that you would live, live and be strong, otouto! I was the one who would die by your hands someday._

_I was the one who had sacrificed myself, sacrificed myself for you. Just so you could live, live, get your revenge and be happy._

And now ... it was all over. A sharp pain sat in the chest, and I began coughing wildly.

"Itachi-san ... you shouldn't be standing in the rain", I heard Kisame say. "It's harmful to your body."

Kisame was worried about me, but nothing mattered anymore.

When the coughing fit was over I had tears in my eyes. I turned my head up toward the dark sky, let the rain caress my face. _Otouto ... _He was supposed to _live_! I couldn't believe that all my plans, my sacrifice was thrown away. But, that didn't really matter either.

Because, if Sasuke was no longer in this world ...

I stared at the heavy clouds, the rain that they threw down. …Then, I had no reason to live.

No reason to remain here, no need to fight against my illness that ate into my body and slowly destroyed me, more and more by each day.

The rain subsided, the air became clear.

Memories of me and my brother flashed through my mind, memories that I had buried deep within me_. I held him when he was newborn. "Big brother will protect you no matter what ..."_

But I hadn't been able protect him, in the end. I had failed. I had failed in my duty as a big brother, failed in everything that mattered.

My tears began to flow freely when I realized what had really happened.

He was dead.  
><em><br>Me and Sasuke, sitting on the porch in front of our house, just days before the massacre._

_I who carried Sasuke on my back when he had hurt his leg. _

_"Welcome home, nii-san!" A little Sasuke who rushed up to hug me when I came home from the academy ...  
><em>  
>What was the point of living if this were to happen?<p>

I gripped my shirt, clenched my teeth tightly, the tears streamed freely.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Sasuke.  
><em><br>Sasuke!_

Life is hard and not fair, I learned that long ago. But my brother. Why my brother? My innocent otouto.

Death would approach all of us, one day, but I had already decided that Sasuke would live long after me! I had sacrificed everything for him, and I didn't regret it.

But now there was nothing left of my only brother. Not even a body. He had disappeared in Deidara's explosion, lost forever.

I wanted to poke his forehead, smile and say "Forgive me, Sasuke." I wanted to apologize for everything I had done to him, for hurting him and planting so much hatred in him. There was so much I wanted to do, and now I would never get a chance to make up for it...

I looked up with a new look on my face. I began to walk away, towards the forest.

"Where are you going?" Kisame called out, puzzled.

"I'll soon be back," I lied.

I hurried through the empty, wet forest. I left all the pain behind me - my ruined childhood, my horrible life after the massacre. My feelings would go away one last time.

Now I just wanted to go to my otouto. I stopped in a little clearing, where I was all alone and protected from the outside world. Memories were too hard to live with, why would I need them?

I would be joining my brother- unless I came to Hell - in the afterlife. I wanted to believe that there was something more for me, even for someone as cursed and worthless as I am. Itachi Uchiha, the clan's prodigy, who was empty, drained with life now.

_Forgive me, otouto. I wish I could have been there for you as I promised so long ago, made everything better._

I took out a kunai. This was the end of my miserable life, the beginning of an eternity somewhere else, where love couldn't be restricted.

A drop of water fell from the tree overhead, landed on the kunais' edge and shattered.

Empty desperation was replaced by anticipation. I deactivated my sharingan, let my half-blind eyes become dull and dark again.

My eyes were dry now, confident. Longing tore at me.  
><em><br>You and I are brothers. We will continue to exist together. _

_Forever.  
><em>  
>I raised the kunai over my chest, directly above the heart. The ground became stained with blood when I let it fall.<p>

I stared for a moment at the steel in my chest, before the world faded and I fell to the ground.

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><p><strong>Rest in peace Itachi we will never forget you <strong>

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